Are You Overcompensating?

Have you seen the movie, Nobody? It is a 2021 film staring Bob Odenkirk, whom you might recognize from Breaking Bad or You Better Call Saul. He is a former “cleaner” aka hitman who gives it all up to become a family man. He has special skills, but he has hidden them away in order to fit in. He keeps forgetting to put the trash out at night, and when burglars break into his house, he does nothing. He could have destroyed them but chose instead to keep his cover. His family did not feel protected and safe, and he says to his father, who knows the truth about him, “I may have overcompensated.” Without realizing it, he became mediocre when he was meant to be outstanding.

It’s a quirky yet violent film that is rated R, so you may not be interested in it. What I found interesting, though, is how faking his life made him miserable. He had everything he ever wanted (wife, kids, house), but he wasn’t happy. I’m not advocating and supporting hit men…it’s a movie…but I do believe we shouldn’t try to conceal who we are and/or avoid our true destiny. In the end, he is much happier when he doesn’t hide who he is and what he does.

I’ve spent much of my life trying to fit into certain boxes. When I was young, I wasn’t like most girls. I was far more interested in sports and enjoyed the company of boys instead of girls. Boy weren’t full of drama and jealousy. They just wanted to play ball, and I joined them! My mom was very old fashioned and had beliefs of what a woman should be and do, and they did not include sports.

As I entered the Christian workforce, I quickly realized Christian companies didn’t believe women should be working. They believed women should be home barefoot and pregnant (my experience, anyway). Yet, they needed them and so hired them. Every barrier was put in my way to prevent me from succeeding, and men were promoted who were less qualified. I was paid half of what male counterparts were getting. Yes, I had HR tell me once when a man reporting to me was making way more than me as his supervisor that “Well, he’s a man. Of course, he should get paid more.”

I tried to fit in their constrictive box and played by their rules, holding myself back so that I wouldn’t out perform any male peer. Heck, I even wore dreadful clothes to hide the fact I was a woman in hopes of being seen as more masculine. Even at the executive level, I was told to “Keep my mouth shut and let the men talk” by the president of a Christian company. Was I happy? Absolutely not!

Even the relationships I picked seemed to require me to hold back in fear of embarrassing or making them look bad. Women can be the worst! They compare and instead of celebrating other’s victories and successes, they rage with jealousy. I supposed my poor choice in people stems from my lack of confidence and low self-esteem, but I am pretty sure I am not the only one as I have heard countless horror stories from other women. I don’t fit in that box, either.

Fast forward to starting my own business, and I fell into the same trap of finding boxes to fit in. Each organization I joined told me how I should run my business. No one took into account ME…my uniqueness, my set of skills, talents and abilities…not to mention my passion, purpose and calling. No, they just wanted me to conform into their mold. “This is how it is done, now pay us money.” In other words, squeeze into our box.

Here I sit some 30 years later, and I am exhausted at the whole thing. I believe I have definitely overcompensated, and somewhere along the way, I forgot who I was and what I should be doing…and I am not happy about it. I got lost in the sea of conformity, and the waves are vicious. Perhaps I need to stop looking for boxes?

As a country, the United States used to be known for cutting-edge technology and pushing the envelope, but I fear we are becoming a has-been nation. We value conformity more than creativity, and we want people to comply. We say we want innovation, but then we control it and condemn anyone who colors outside of the lines. We want everyone living in the same box.

Yet, we shout from the roof tops that we are diverse and everything goes. Does it really? Even extreme fringe groups have their own set of guidelines that you better comply with or you aren’t a true believer! Everywhere we look, we are being told to become like everyone else. Let’s make everyone special so no one is.

Just like the Bible tells us that we live in the world but aren’t of the world, I think we must be careful who we align ourselves with. Yes, we can join groups, but we don’t have to become identical to them. We should be free to bring ourselves, just the way we are, to organizations and companies. Our uniqueness is what can bring about incredible change. Staying inside the box is safe but not innovative.

I’m still struggling with this myself and don’t have all the answers, but I do know God is prompting me to stop faking it and trying to conform. He doesn’t want me to hide the real me because He made me this way for a reason. The stirring of my spirit is why I am writing very different blogs than years past. I am not worried about offending people or hurting their feelings with my truth. And just so you know, when God gives me a message and the Holy Spirit inspires me, I sit on it for weeks. I pray about it before I ever post it. I sift it through God’s truth and when I feel it is truly what He wants me to say, I share it.

How your spirit receives it is up to you. I can only be obedient to passing along what God gives me. If a message encourages or uplifts you, praise God! If you don’t like what you read, toss it and move on. Or…you could spend time praying over it to see if God does indeed have something for you to consider. I’ve done my part, and I give the rest to God and His ultimate plan.

Jesus didn’t conform nor did He fit into any existing box. I am realizing the sacrifices needed to truly be a Jesus follower. The Bible tells stories about “leaving everything behind to follow Me,” but does that ever really sink in? We must leave behind fitting in and instead stand out for Him. It can be lonely and confusing, as I am learning, but I trust this is where He wants us.

Rather than looking for another box to fit in, I am seeking God. I write and share and pray I am making a difference, somehow, somewhere. If I have inspired or encouraged you, could you drop me a note? I would appreciate hearing from you.

Be yourself! Let your light shine and don’t let anyone else tell you to put it out. Speaking from experience, dimming your own light to help others feel better about themselves isn’t being thoughtful and kind; it is harmful to all because then no one feels brave enough to step into their light. When we display the courage to be ourselves, others will feel safe to do the same. Let’s tear down some boxes, start a fire and blaze the world with all God has given each of us!

If you have forgotten your God-given talents and abilities, I have assessments that highlight your strengths. It, of course, also shows you where to ask God to help you. I’d be happy to go over the report with you once you take it, so give me a call.