Self-Compassion is Vital

This is the last week of 2022, and as you look back on what you didn’t do and didn’t get done, you might be hard on yourself. Certainly, we must admit failures in order to make corrections for the next year. Each mistake can grow us if we let it. However, beating one’s self up is never helpful or healthy. Many are good at giving compassion to others but not to themselves.

Self-compassion isn’t discussed much, but it is vital to our well being.  We all know the power of thoughts and words, and negative talk and unforgiveness to ourselves can be a cancer, destroying our hopes and dreams.

I admit I struggle with self-compassion. I’m a great encouragement to others, but I’m really hard on myself. My mother was so strict and hard on me, that I could never measure up. The mindset of perfectionism served me well in corporate America, but it is also what led to my burnout.

I call myself a recovering perfectionist because I have to work on it daily. I strive for excellence in all I do, and my faith allows me to say, “I did my best, and now it is in God’s hands.” Still, that voice inside can pop up in an instant, especially when things are going as we hope. Here are some ways to combat the negativity and extend compassion and grace to yourself when facing tough or disappointing situations:

• Ask yourself what you would say to a friend or loved one if they had made the same mistake. Many times, the right words of love and support come easily to share with others, and we forget to speak them to ourselves. Write it out if you have to and read it as often as you need to.
• Look at your situation from a professional’s point of view. They would dissect it and determine a “root cause” and then help design a plan of action. Our emotions can be our enemy when they rule and take over our logic. If you can’t seem to take a step back, a coach like myself can assist.
• Imagine what your mentor or someone you admire would do in the same situation. You don’t even have to know them, but consider their response. For those of us with faith, we ask “What would Jesus do or say?” The Bible is full of encouragement, hope, and love! It has the ability to reach you right where you are and touch your heart unlike anything else.
• Fast forward past the event and how you feel today. Assume you overcame it, which you will, and see yourself successful, healthy, and happy. Feel the victory, then trust God.

Negative thinking is like pouring wet cement on ourselves and letting it dry around us. We become trapped. We don’t learn anything, and we won’t move forward. This is not God’s plan. His act of dying on the cross for our sins not only saved us spiritually, but it was an example of the grace and compassion He has for us. Shouldn’t we have grace and compassion for ourselves?

The better we are at loving ourselves, the more love we will have for others. You’ve heard the saying, “hurt people, hurt people.” I also believe those who don’t love themselves have very little love for others. Let us have compassion for ourselves knowing we are human and will make mistakes and get off course. What we do with it is what attracts or pushes away others. If we become bitter and angry, we repel; if we become better and soften our hearts, we draw others near.

I think I just came up with my 2023 word for the year: compassion…for self and others. Have you considered what theme your new year will have? As you set your goals, perhaps I can come along side of you. I don’t just bring coaching skills and certifications on human behavior, EQ, drivers and fitness with me. I bring God into the equation for without Him, we are lost. Happy New Year!